| ||Thursday 1 December 2016 — On the demise of Jim Delligatti, aged 98, who gave the world the Big Mac.|
The father died of the Big Mac,
by far the most addictive snack.
Delligatti’s now –no joke–
with the inventors of coke
and heroin and crack.
| ||Thursday 24 November 2016 — On Thomas Mair being sent down for life for the murder of Labour-MP Jo Cox.|
On this day in November,
how a mad brexiteer cried
“Britian First” and shot Cox, who died,
a thoroughly hon’rable member.
| ||Tuesday 22 November 2016 — On Trump's promise to withdraw from the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) on his first day in office, and to do away with all kinds of environmental rules and regulations.|
Trump’s protecting the coalminer
turns the US into old China:
an obsolete autarky
harsher, poorer & less free
than old Mao dared design ’er.
| ||Monday 21 November 2016 — On the primaries of Les Républicains in France, definitely lost by former president Nicolas Sarkozy and won by surprise by his former Prime minister François Fillon.|
Nom-de-dieu c’est vraiment con:
l’FN de Le Pen bon ton!
Alors Français, veuillez m’aider,
votez pour le vieux Juppé,
ou sinon, pour Fillon.
| ||Wednesday 16 November 2016 — On Oxford Dictionaries choosing “post-truth” as word of the year 2016.|
What got into Oxford, o dear,
naming “post-truth” Word o’the Year?
Have they lost sight
of all, one might
ask? Can reality be thát unclear?
| ||Wednesday 9 November 2016 — On Donald Trump becoming the President Elect of the United States of America.|
When Trump leads the USA
its social fabric may soon fray,
be ripped asunder
while a thousand guns thunder.
Alas, poor Yorick, as they say.
| ||Monday 7 November 2016 — On Donald Trump’s staff revoking his Twitter privileges out of fear he’ll tweet some fatel stupidity.|
His consiglieres said Trump must
not tweet anymore. I just
ask you: how can
you vote for a man
whose trusted chums don’t trust?
| ||Thursday 3 November 2016 — On the Court decision that it is up to Parliament, not the government, to decide if and when Britain will invoke article 50 of the Treaty of Lisbon.|
Prime Minister Maggie May
fancied herself queen for a day.
It was a dream
for she it would seem
is not to decide how long Britain must stay.
| ||Monday 31 October 2016 — On the somewhat morbid feast of Halloween.|
Which one of you has ever seen
the ghastly ghost of Halloween?
A pumpkin head
without brains, instead
it’s full of yellow bile and spleen.
| ||Friday 28 October 2016 — On the fire that is destroying the Royal clarence hotel in Exeter.|
What remained of the Empire,
the Royal Clarence, is on fire.
Things do’nt go well
for Britain’s oldest hotel,
blazing like a funeral pyre.
| ||Tuesday 25 October 2016 — On new research pointing to many anonymous coauthors having assisted in writing Shakespeare’s plays, plus, after all, Christopher Marlowe.|
Whence came the inspired art
of the old Stratfordian Bard?
From a new perspective
’twas a collective
whereof Kit Marlowe may have been part.
| ||Tuesday 18 October 2016 — On Melania Trump blaming her husband's locker-room transgressions on TV-presenter Billy Bush (who was subsequently fired by NBC). Well, if the man can't handle a talkshow host...|
Trump, a little worse for wear,
is now in Melania’s care:
“He may seem a gruff boor
but in the sack, I assure
you he’s a cuddly teddybear.”
| ||Monday 17 October 2016 — On the utter lack of understanding in the Muslim world that it will never crawl out of its miserable state as long as all energy is put into internecine sectarian strife.|
Who do those sectarians fool
with their battle of Mosul,
where allahu fights akbar
in a medieval turf war
over whose god is the worst ghoul?
| ||Thursday 13 October 2016 — On Tesco's taking Marmite off its e-shelves as a consequence of the dive the pound has taken due to the imminent Brexit.|
I pity Britain in its plight,
trusting that Farage, who lied,
as did Boris and Hove,
so that now, by Jove,
they cannot even buy Marmite.
| ||Wednesday 12 October 2016 — On McDonald's easing up on using their prime marketing tool Ronald McDonald, on account of the scary clown hysteria.|
Ronald McDonald can’t come and play,
he’s not allowed out today.
These days a clown
makes parents frown
and scares their hungry brats away.
| ||Friday 7 October 2016 — On the wave of scary clown hysteria rolling across the United States this election year..|
He's harrying many a town
in the US: the scary clown!
with his wild copper mane
and rambling insane
he’s out for the presidential crown.
| ||Thursday 6 October 2016 — On Kylie minigue vowing not to marry until same-sex mariiages become legal in Australia.|
Kylie makes her lover wait
until the Australian state
lets him say “I do and I can”
not to her but to a man,
Awful is that fiancé’s fate.
| ||Monday 3 October 2016 — On Yoshinori Ohsumi being awarded the Nobel prize 2016 in medicine.|
Hear the final diagnosis:
when it comes to cell necrosis
The Nobel prize for Ohsumi
surely makes autophagy
the hippest kind of apoptosis.
| ||Thursday 29 September 2016 — On Big Sam Allardyce tumbling from his pedestal as just another greedy loudmouth.|
So there you go, Sam Allardyce:
You fuck up and then pay the price.
With dirty tricks
those Telegraph pricks,
surely fixed you up real nice.
| ||Thursday 22 September 2016 — On Italian Health Minister Beatrice Lorenzin’s controversial fertility campaign and accusations of racism in her campaign posters.|
Let’s celebrate fertility,
the state cautions in Italy.
But if you’re black and smoke,
you’re certain to croak
without any progeny.
| ||Monday 12 September 2016 — On International Trade Secretary Liam Fox scolding British entrepreneurs for spending too much of their time lazing on the golf-course.|
“Meeting par isn’t enough,
you knew post-Brexit life’d be tough,”
quoth Liam Fox,
which was unorthodox,
“get up and move our bloody stuff!”
| ||Wednesday 7 September 2016 — On MP Keith Vaz tripping over one too many scandals.|
Not 11 weeks after Brexit
all seemed normal, so Vaz flexed
his famous love muscle,
but his amorous tussle
with 2 rentboys caused his sexit.
| ||Tuesday 6 September 2016 — On the frenzied campaigh to portray Hillary Clinton as old, sick and incapable. C’mon guys, where’s your self respect? Whatever your political leanings, this is just too childish.|
What retarded little twit
’d spurn a gal for a coughing fit?
Yet in regard to the post
that matters most
Trumps desp’rt cronies seize on it.
| ||Thursday 1 September 2016 — On the end of summer inexorably drawing near.|
This’ll be a day to remember:
on August’s heels, the 1st of September.
Autumn is near,
in my BBQ here
silently dies the last glowing ember.
| ||Tuesday 16 August 2016 — On Donald Trump's proposing an ideological compatibility test for people wanting to enter the United States.|
Your President I want to be,
lord of the Manor of the Free,
whose borders I'll close
firmly to those
who don't sufficiently think like me.
| ||Friday 12 August 2016 — On the extraordinately vicious smear-campaign that is being waged against Hillary Clinton. I mean: come on people, this has nothing anymore to do with anything!|
She’s the devil and a hag,
she’s dirty and her titties sag,
she’s ill and evil,
worse than a weevil –
and she’s the one Trump couldn’t shag.
| ||Tuesday 2 August 2016 — On the utter failure of the Brazilian organizers at providing for even remotely acceptable conditions in the Bay of Rio de Janeiro.|
Because Brazilians still spill
their filth and feces where they will
bite back their disgust
and swim, row and sail in swill.
| ||Monday 25 July 2016 — On the French tightening their border controls, giving Great Britain at least some idea of what leaving the EU and “taking back control” are actually going to entail.|
Out of EU and into the clover,
migration problems would be over.
with borders air-tight
the whole nation bogs down at Dover.
| ||Friday 22 July 2016 — On Funai Electric, the last manufacturer of VCRs, packing it in.|
Once proudky owned by rich jeunesse,
a VCR is now a ton or less:
its tapes would fail,
its lure went stale,
the belL has tolled for VHS.
| ||Friday 22 July 2016 — On Funai Electric, the last manufacturer of VCRs, packing it in.|
Once proudky owned by rich jeunesse,
a VCR is now a ton or less:
its tapes would fail,
its lure went stale,
the belL has tolled for VHS.
| ||Wednesday 20 July 2016 — On Melania Trump (and Trump’s speech-writers) stealing the words of Michelle Obama, and the hupocrisy of the Republican convention condoning her behaviour.|
The capitalist GOP
hallows private property.
But when Trump’s wife steals,
the Convention feels
there’s nothing wrong with plagiary.
| ||Thursday 14 July 2016 — On Boris Johnson being appointed foreign secretary after his bizarre behaviour with regard to the Brexit-referendum.|
If Cameron once put his dong
somewhere it did not belong,
Boris will now surely put
his foot in it real good,
as diplomatical King-Kong.
| ||Thursday 14 July 2016 — On Donald Trump selecting Indiana governor Mike Pence as his running mate.|
A obscurantist Pence would seem,
a northern redneck with a dream
of simpler days
without Darwin or gays,
so he’s essential to Trump’s team!
| ||Monday 11 July 2016 — On Andrea Leadsom trying to get one over on het rival Theresa May -- and failing.|
The candidacy of Andrea Leadsom
ushering in a new age of femdom
was sadly aborted
the minute she snorted
about being better for being a mom.
| ||Thursday 7 July 2016 — On the outcome of the British investigation into the role of it’s political elite in the events leading up to and during the invasion of Iraq in .|
Will Chilcot do any good?
I doubt it, though no doubt it should:
Those who did hoodwink
the nation still think
they’re exceptionally shrewd.
| ||Monday 4 July 2016 — On the poor country whose deceitful leaders desert it the face of the chaos they created.|
Dingdong, the witch ’s been dead
for quite a while, the rats have fled
your sinking raft.
O, Britain daft,
you’ve made yourself a sorry bed.
| ||Thursday 30 June 2016 — To Boris Johnson giving up on running for tory-leader after his Pyrrhic triumph at the Brexit-referendum.|
Boris was a naughty boy,
who went and broke a precious toy
and then, hardly cricket,
dodged that sticky wicket
and deserted the hoi polloi.
| ||Wednesday 29 June 2016 — On the Dawning of the consequences of waging a frivolous, deceitful campaign against the British EU-membership.|
Nigel, Mike & Boris could
once again raise Birnam Wood.
Double, double, toil & trouble
what remains is only rubble,
Dunsinane is now kaput.
| ||Tuesday 28 June 2016 — On the Supreme Court declaring Texan law designed to frustrate people's right to hav an abortion unconstitutional.|
According to the Supreme Court
even Texas should afford
people to exercise
their abortion rights,
whatever the stance of the Lord.
| ||Friday 24 June 2016 — On Great Britain leaving the European Union.|
Hoorah, the Brits retook control
of their own wet grassy knoll
where Farage thunders
and Boris blunders
and all the rest must pay the toll.
| ||Thursday 23 June 2016 — On the EU referendum.|
Today my 93yr Mum
cried: “get me to the polls, you bum!
I must vote to leave
so that I’ll retrieve
the good old life in my pre-war slum."
| ||Tuesday 21 June 2016 — |
I’d like to raise, if I may,
a toast with café au lait
in a cup like this
since today is
| ||Thursday 16 June 2016 — On Nigel Farages confession that he does not know or care what will happen in Britain leaves the EU, as long as he wins on 23 June.|
With that silly, mindless grin
Farage professed to go all-in.
Little does he care
how ‘freed’ Britons may fare,
all he wants to do is win.
| ||Monday 13 June 2016 — On the remarkable outfit queen Elizabeth II wore on the occasion of the official celebration of her ninetieth birthday. |
It’s not easy being green,
said old Kermit full of spleen.
He was heard to holler
at trooping the colour
Yea! I'm less green than the queen!
| ||Friday 10 June 2016 — On Tesco selling Giraffe to “Chicken King” Ranjit Singh Boparan, owner of Northern Foods and Harry Ramsden's fish ’n chips shops.|
Giraffe sold to the Chicken King!
So after the buffalo wing
the next big snack
will be giraffe’s neck.
Those Brits, they will eat anything.
| ||Tuesday 7 June 2016 — On single mom Sheryl Prudham, living on benefits, who has 12 children already and now wants to be inseminated to acquire nr. 13|
She’s not a mom or aunt
who finds 12 brats insufficient.
For kids she doesn’t care,
they’re but fruits to bear.
Prudham’s a production plant.
| ||Thursday 2 June 2016 — On the boy who ruined a so-called “£15,000 LEGO sculpture”. Good for him!|
LEGO used to mean to a boy
bricks to build and then to destroy.
The world is hard,
LEGO’s hijacked by art,
business now, no longer a toy.
| ||Monday 30 May 2016 — On "HowToMakeAManGay" becoming trending topic in New York|
America’s trending topic today
proof that civilization
is wasted on the nation.
It’s enough to turn a gay man gray.
| ||Tuesday 24 May 2016 — On the traffic chaos that ensued when there was a fule spill in London’s Blackwall Tunnel|
The thing is called the Blackwall tunnel
cause it’s a stinking sooty funnel.
Today it closed,
it must be hosed
for lack of a proper runnel.
| ||Thursday 19 May 2016 — On the “Cat Ripper” who already killed and maimed dozens of London cats.|
London becomes ever hipper,
it now has a Feline-Ripper
who on jihadi John’s trail
cuts off head and tail
of cats he first baits with kipper.
| ||Wednesday 18 May 2016 — On Boris Johnson’s hysterical likening of European Union policies to those of Adolf Hitler.|
That preposterous brat Boris,
oofey kid of Eton mores,
plays at “Finest Hour”
with the EU as evil power,
is what Winston´s corpse abhorres.
| ||Friday 13 May 2016 — On the uncertain race towards the referendum on Britain's continued membership of the european Union.|
Farage, fulminating à outrance,
leads Britain in a deadly dance,
a tango called BREXIT
straight through the exit
into lonesome irrelevance.
| ||Wednesday 4 May 2016 — On Ted Cruz suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.|
Hark the Bible Thumper´s Blues:
regardless of his extreme views
angry white men dumped
old Ted; Donald trumped
the trigger-happy rev. Cruz.
| ||Tuesday 3 May 2016 — On Leicester City winning the Premier League Championship.|
Let me sing you a ditty
of proud Leicester City,
which hides kings in its streets
and no soccer team beats.
Now ain’t that city pretty?
| ||Thursday 28 April 2016 — On the new junior doctor’s contract: a little more money for far longer hours.|
NHS embodies the idea
that your health ought to be free.
Now Hunt tries his best
to deny docs their rest
and privatize the lot, you’ll see!
| ||Monday 25 April 2016 — On National Stationery Week.|
It’s National Stationery Week!
Let every British geek
celebrate the stencil,
the freshly sharpened pencil
and Moleskines, velvety and sleek.
| ||Friday 22 April 2016 — On Earth Day.|
Friday always follows Thursday
and each of ’m is someone’s birthday.
But odd as it sounds
on murky grounds
today is advertised as Earth Day.
| ||Thursday 21 April 2016 — On the ninetieth birthday of Queen Elisabeth II.|
Never become vegetarian,
stay staunchly establishmentarian;
don’t drink coffee but tea
and you will live to be
a sovereign nonagenarian.
| ||Thursday 7 April 2016 — On the negative outcome of the advisory referendum in the Netherlands on the Association Treaty between the European Union and Ukraine.|
1 in 7 Dutch said “no” to Ukraine.
Not a lot, but all the same
their niggardly spite
did win last night,
we others bow our heads in shame.
| ||Thursday 31 March 2016 — On Ronnie Corbett passing away at 85.|
Bloody hell, what misery!
Ronnie Corbett finally
kicked the bucket,
damn all, fuck it,
what good is “Language, Timothy!”?
| ||Thursday 17 March 2016 — On the GOP’s intention to thwart any attempt of Obama to achieve anything at all.|
Don’t, GOP, if you please,
block all ’Bama’s court nominees.
All your anger and spite
breed political blight,
a sick auto-immune disease.
| ||Tuesday 15 March 2016 — On former Republican contender for the presidential nomination Ben Carson’s pledge of allegiance to Donald Trump, who earlier branded him as a “pathological liar”. The Ides of March (2011) was directed by George Clooney. The wily Senator Franklin Thomson was played by Jeffrey Wright|
That the “liar” Ben Carson
would yet climb Trump’s bandwagon
was in the stars:
In “The Ides of March”
he was Sen. Franklin Thompson, hun!
| ||Friday 11 March 2016 — On allegations of plagiarism against Timothy Parker, renowned crossword-designer for, among other, USA Today.|
Crossword-mogul Parker said:
“This Pwanson is raving mad!
I never stole from anyone
anything more salient than
‘the familiar quadruped(3)’”
| ||Tuesday 8 March 2016 — On the fact that so many courtrooms have been sold off that many judges have to do their job in backrooms of pubs and restaurants.|
Britain's courtrooms, I am told,
have been sold off, now judges hold
in pub or café
where next to pints verdicts are sold.
| ||Wednesday 2 March 2016 — On Super Tuesday, won by both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump|
So it’s the lout against the witch,
two narcissists, both filthy rich.
Clearly in the US
wisdom counts for less
than the ability to bitch.
| ||Wednesday 24 February 2016 — On the Flying Scotsman, too long for Twitter, but too good a subject to pass up.|
Joy be in the hearts of men:
the Flying Scotsman rides again!
On board is kidney pie or pork,
but hurry or we’ll be in York,
where ends this trip to way-back-when.
| ||Monday 22 February 2016 — On Boris Johnson´s announcement that he will lead the campaign for Great Britain leaving the EU|
A pillar of panache and bluff,
to lead Albion to the rough
is the Blond Man´s Burden,
being its PM his guerdon,
a jolly emperor in the buff.
| ||Thursday 18 February 2016 — On the House of Lords, which wanted to put an end to the tradition of archiving British law on vellum.|
Laws went on vellum since before Boleyn,
but now the Lords wanted paper in.
Here’s a wise
write them on peers’ parchment skin.
| ||Wednesday 17 February 2016 — On the photograph Jeb Bush published of his personalized gun “governor Jeb Bush”.|
Jeb Bush showed us all his gun.
Was it his idea of fun?
Did he flaunt his metal dong
to assure us he is strong
or as a threat maybe, a pun?
| ||Friday 5 February 2016 — On everybody's announcement to ignore the conclusions of the UN-committee-report on Julian Assange.|
Release Assange, says the UN:
London, stop abusing the man.
But Sweden says no,
don’t you dare let him go,
we’ll fuck him as long as we can.
| ||Wednesday 3 February 2016 — On the anonymous hackers of AnonSec|
Who are the anonymous hackers,
claiming to be the attackers
who want NASA to hurt
on behalf of the earth?
Please tell me, dear factcheckers!
| ||Tuesday 2 February 2016 — On Donald Trump’s first lost primary: the state of Iowa.|
And then Ted Cruz trumped Donald Trump.
Is Iowa the fatal hump
to make Trump trip
and his shares dip,
land him like Job on a rubbish dump?
| ||Wednesday 27 January 2016 — On the death of Marvin Minsky.|
Marvin Minsky passed away,
who hoped to see the day
that silicon became more clever
than any human being ever
and henceforth AI’d hold sway.
| ||Thursday 21 January 2016 — On the report by Judge Sir Robert Owen pointing the finger at Russian president Putin as having at least condoned the killing of Aleksandr Litvinenko.|
“Litvinenko, filthy spy!”
foamed Vlad Putin, “you will fry!
I’ll give you, moocher,
a radiant future,
and laugh my head off while you die!”
| ||Wednesday 20 January 2016 — On Burnley, Lancashire.|
A Burnley beggar said “bugger,
I wuz merely tryin’ to hug ’r,
which I only did
’cuz she ga’me a quid,
but then she yelled: Mugger, mugger!”
| ||Tuesday 19 January 2016 — On the worldwide Twitter-blackout.|
And then cyberspace was still.
No tweet to read, no hateful swill
from venomed teeth
of tweeps so mad that they could kill.
| ||Friday 15 January 2016 — On the yearning of the English for a anthem of their own.|
Why save a queen? the English said,
we want a proper hymn instead!
It’d be far more apt
if Albion rapped
raindrops keep falling on my head.
| ||Monday 11 January 2016 — On David Bowie passing away.|
His circuit dead died Major Tom,
worst controlfreak of stardom:
birthday just gone,
new album done,
he’ll star up there till kingdom come.
| ||Wednesday 16 December 2015 — On the ephemeral nazi train laden with treasure supposedly hidden underground somewhere in Poland.|
A buried nazi-train they told,
held 300 tons of gold.
Many Poles went out to dig
and find it, get rich quick.
But alas all was fools’ gold.
| ||Tuesday 8 December 2015 — On Donald Trump’s proposal to close the American borders to all muslims.|
No muslim will be welcome
in Sultan Donald’s kingdom,
no unchristian slacker
allowed into his Mekka
of blonde myopic boordom.
| ||Thursday 3 December 2015 — On yet another killing spree in the USA, this time in California.|
One gunman’s killing spree a day
is normal for the USA,
a death toll perhaps higher than
that in ol’ Afghanistan.
Go on, support the NRA!
| ||Tuesday 24 November 2015 — On the border incident in which the Turks downed a Russian warplane.|
Pondered Russian president Putin:
shouldn’t my army start shootin’
at backstabbing jerks
like Erdo?an’s Turks
and my Cossacks begin lootin’?
| ||Friday 20 November 2015 — On Richard Waldron's letter to the editor, published in the Daily Telegraph on 16 November 2015.|
Whither went our Cheshire blue?
At Selfridge’s it is taboo
because it turns gray
in nary a day,
so the cat’s grin got the precious goo.
| ||Wednesday 11 November 2015 — On David Cameron’s negociating Britain’s terms for staying in the European Union.|
Careful, or there’ll be hell to pay,
my sceptics will only stay,
and not leave the EU,
says Cameron, if you
always give us Brits our way.
| ||Thursday 29 October 2015 — On the life sentence former Royal Marines sergeant Alexander Blackman was handed for killing a wounded taliban operative in Helmand, Afghanistan.|
Blackman shouldn't, according to Hoyle,
have shuffled off the mortal coil
of that Taliban,
a wounded man.
But does it merit lifelong toil?
| ||Monday 26 October 2015 — On Tony Blair’s half-hearted apologies for the the lies preparing the way for the unwarranted invasion of Iraq.|
I’m so sorry for their fibs,
George and I, we were like sibs.
And we did oust Saddam,
improved on Vietnam.
I’m really sorry: read my lips.
| ||Wednesday 21 October 2015 — On Back to the Future.|
Time-travel is mindboggling stuff:
just by waiting long enough
we caught up with McFly
as time went by,
to call Zemeckis’ eighties-bluff.
| ||Monday 19 October 2015 — On the first attempt in decades to create a new grammar school.|
The ban on grammar schools
proves Albion a land of fools,
where Labour hates talent
and its own kids and
the privately schooled City rules.
| ||Friday 16 October 2015 — On the British septuagenarian in Saudi Arabia who was sentenced to be flogged for possessing some homemade drink in his own home.|
An elderly Briton in Jiddah
is flogged cause the Saudi’s consider
his homemade liquor
to be a sin bigger
than those of old Jack the Ripper.
| ||Wednesday 14 October 2015 — On the growing prudishness on and off the internet, world wide.|
Zuckerberg & Xi have won,
from Tibet to Oregon
Playboy’s pages will be cleansed,
naughty female bits delensed
and bare boobies frowned upon.
| ||Tuesday 13 October 2015 — On Ada Lovelace.|
Today is Ada Lovelace-day,
Byrons girl, who passed away
at 36 but did invent
the idea of the instrument
we call computer, in a way.