by Rik Smits  
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The Puzzle

Rik's occasional shorter-than-141 tokens limericks (also on twitter)
 Tuesday 12 December 2017 — On the special election in Alabama today.
With Trump and Jesus as his shield
Alabam' will likely yield
to the lure of Moore,
fondler of yore,
now politician in right field.

 Wednesday 6 December 2017 — On the death of the legendary Johnny Hallyday.
“Pour moi la vie va commencer,”
announced young Johnny Hallyday
in ’63, forever free,
but ultimately lui aussi,
à la fin, faudrait crever.

 Tuesday 5 December 2017 — On inhabitants of a tiny village in Co. Cork complaining about fumes from the local Viagra-factory.
In my restful Ringaskiddy,
bitched a jittery old biddy,
mayor, officer and hick
wave at me a rock-hard prick!
All them boners make me giddy.

 Thursday 30 November 2017 — On the customs seizing 12.000 kilo's of pangolin scales smuggled from Africa in Shenzhen, China.
All you ignorant Chinese
curing impotence and disease
with the pangolin's scales
or ground bacula of whales,
I beg you: get a clue, please!

 Thursday 23 November 2017 — On the EU decision that with Britain not being a member of either the EFTA or EEA, British cities are no longer eligible as European Cultural Capital after Brexit.
Not Leeds, nor Belfast or Dundee,
may pass in 2023
for Europe's Culture Capital
if, though immensely cultural,
European they won't be.

 Wednesday 15 November 2017 — On the apparent coup d'état taking place in Zimbabwe.
Mugabe does not have eternal life,
so he tried to pass on to his wife
his poor land that may
alas now fall prey
to more internecine strife.

 Thursday 9 November 2017 — On Theresa Mays cabinet becoming more unstuck with every blunder.
Long had Boris me bedeviled:
why did he keep his mane dishevelled?
His unruly pate
is symbolic of the state
of Britain: becoming unravelled.

 Thursday 9 November 2017 — On Theresa Mays cabinet becoming more unstuck with every blunder.
Long had Boris me bedeviled:
why did he keep his mane dishevelled?
His unruly pate
is symbolic of the state
of Britain: becoming unravelled.

 Tuesday 7 November 2017 — On Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton calling to arm all churchgoers after the massacre caused by Patrick Kelley.
In God we trust but it’s more fun
to go to church packing a gun:
if a guy unleashes hell
we can open fire as well
to help bloody rivers run.

 Tuesday 7 November 2017 — On Boris Johnson putting a British-Iranian woman suspected of espionage in Iran in danger of getting five extra years imprisonment by making her out an agent provocateur training Iranian journalists.
Bunglin’ Boris, quite unwary,
called her half a Mata-Hari,
then jubilantly yelled: #metoo
am now someone’s bugaboo,
she is #Nazanin Zaghari!

 Friday 3 November 2017 — On defence secretary Michael Fallon resigning for stroking the knee of journalist Julia Hartley-Brewer fifteen years ago.
Him laying a warm hand on my knee
right there at the ministry,
brought me to tears
though it took 15 years:
I needed to #metoo too, you see?

 Tuesday 17 October 2017
Answered Michael Heseltine,
asked over a glass of wine
where Boris Johnson should
when reshuffling be put:
“Well, Mongolia would be fine.”

 Friday 13 October 2017 — On Rose McGowan being suspended by Twitter for speaking out against Harvey Weinstein.
Rose McGowan, poor critter,
found Twitter an icy litter.
#WomenBoycottTwitter must
fight its misogeny & lust
& not let Twitter bullshit her.

 Tuesday 10 October 2017 — On the large nationalist minority in Catalonia, which may today succeed in regional parliament in forcing a declaration of independence of the region.
The California of Spain,
as full of shit and of disdain,
inhabited by Catalans,
may today grab its chance
to secede, which will be its bane.

 Friday 6 October 2017 — On the kick-off of Seafood Week.
#fishpunday I lighted my lamprey
had coffee that was a bit crappie
took a spin on the pike
on my motorbike
and then had a codpiece for tea.

 Thursday 5 October 2017 — On the separatist dreams of nationalist Catalans.
I don´t suppose the Catalans
stand even a snowball’s chance
alone in the world.
I think it would hurt
them and their loved ones à outrance.

 Thursday 28 September 2017 — On the death of Hugh Hefner.
Died today, in his bunny den,
Hugh, god of nature-loving men,
fan of beaver & bunny,
of ass, cock & cunny,
he’ll never be a Playboy again.

 Friday 22 September 2017 — On party-strategist Florian Philippot leaving the French Front National on account of his refusal to disband a new political movement of his own, Les Patriotes.
She loved Florian Philippot,
Marine Le Pen, and so
his having a bit on the side
made her furious. She cried
“philanderer!” and let him go.

 Thursday 21 September 2017 — On Theresa May offering £20 billion to settle the divorce shé wants, that was offered to her at at least thrice that amount.
Mrs May just loves free trade:
let markets decide our fate!
So how come,
buying her Kingdom´s freedom,
she proves herself a mere cheapskate.

 Wednesday 6 September 2017 — On the utterly embarrassing lack of interest of the islamic “community”, their only support for their fellow-believers consisting in Turkish vice-PM Mehmet Simsek posting fake photographs of "Rohingya" victims.
Despair not, hapless Rohingya,
for all islam, all the ummah
is right behind you
and will stay there to
watch Aung San’s shit hit the punkah.

 Thursday 24 August 2017 — On the rather silly Scottish muslims who went apeshit over a picture of a puppy on a postcard advertising the new police telephone number. Welcome to the middle ages!
Ali McBaba of Cumnock
threw a fit on his morning walk:
“Oh great Allah, please
I can’t call the police:
their phones are manned by a dog!”

 Thursday 24 August 2017 — On the rather silly Scottish muslims who went apeshit over a picture of a puppy on a postcard advertising the new police telephone number. Welcome to the middle ages!
Ali McBaba of Dundalk
threw a fit on his morning walk:
“Oh great Allah, please
I can’t call the police:
their phones are manned by a dog!”

 Sunday 20 August 2017 — On Donald Trump dismissing Steve Bannon, thereby losing all grip on him.
Back in the days of Tonkin,
LBJ kept his Steve Bannon in,
said: “I have no doubt
that he better piss out
from my tent than from outside in.”

 Wednesday 16 August 2017 — On the revolting new bigotry that is taking over the universities.
London University will
banish good old Fanny Hill,
its ooh-la-la content
is feared to offend
bigoted backward student swill.

 Friday 11 August 2017 — Four limericks inspired by Donald Trump’s public personality, #4.
4. The ostentatious Trump tower
is meant to exude the power
of Trumpian virility
but looks in reality
like a frozen golden shower.

 Thursday 10 August 2017 — Four limericks inspired by Donald Trump’s public personality, #3.
Donald asked Ivanka would she
like him to fire Scaramucci
whose rants were weird
but dad most feared
the Mooch might call his pet a hoochie.

 Wednesday 9 August 2017 — Four limericks inspired by Donald Trump’s public personality #2.
Lecherous Don Giovanni
grabbed a girl by the fanny;
thought he had her Trumped
but soon he was stumped
never yet having felt up a tranny.

 Tuesday 8 August 2017 — Four limericks inspired by Donald Trump’s public personality, #1.
Cross Donald Trump if you dare
and you will become aware
of the awful truth:
the man is uncouth,
not even his hair is truly fair.

 Tuesday 1 August 2017 — On the utterly irresponsable chaos that reigns at the core of the most powerful nation on earth.
With Scaramucci let’s discard
the US as fatally marred.
With Don, Jared and spouse
holed up in the White House
it’s now a psychiatric ward.

 Wednesday 19 July 2017 — On French army commander Pierre de Villiers resigning over budget cuts and personal problems between him and president Macron.
Le Général Pierre de Villiers
n’accepte pas l’austérité
d’Emmanuel Macron,
ce minable, ce sale con!
Il se retrait, fort offensé.

 Monday 17 July 2017 — On the actual kick-off of the BREXIT negotiations.
The BREXIT-rooster is a-crowin’,
a ever chiller wind’s a-blowin’
round the coop
where hens troop
whose leaders know not where they’re goin’.

 Tuesday 4 July 2017 — On the ever more embarrassingly bizarre behaviour of the Trump administration.
Home of the brave, land of the free,
screwed by crooks so shamelessly,
who led by a bully
cynically sully
the founding fathers’ patrimony.

 Sunday 2 July 2017 — On Michael Gove’s economy with reality and truth concerning the sell-out to DUP only to keep the Conservative party in power.
The Right Honourable Michael Gove
fessed up his sins and the priest shrove:
Albion’s economy
is a work of fantasy:
MY fantasy i.e., by Jove!

 Friday 23 June 2017 — On the North Koreans claiming that they are the real victim, not poor Otto Warmbier, who went to North Korea for fun and was returned practically dead.
“So what” brazen Kim Yong-Un said,
“if I returned Warmbier dead?
I feel no shame,
I’m not to blame
his death is not on my ill-coiffed head.

 Wednesday 21 June 2017 — On the German female imam who bravely tries to carry islam into the western 21st century.
Let us applaud Seyran Ates,
imama who began the process
of muslim integration
with her Berlin congregation,
as a truly modern priestess.

 Friday 16 June 2017 — On the purported demise of Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, thug-in-chief of IS.
The Russians have killed Abu-Bakr,
they say. The heroic attacker
of humanity and art
may have been torn apart
in the infernal town of Raqqa.

 Thursday 15 June 2017 — On the signing of the Magna Carta at Runnymede, 15 June 1215.
Today 800 years ago and 2
King John was duly forced to construe
a state of rights
by his own knights
from which modern Britain would ensue.

 Friday 9 June 2017 — On Theresa May, who ignores the message the voters sent her, wants to rule at any price, even exposing herself to blackmail by the DUP.
No, I’m not going away,
I want to break things and to stay!
I don’t care who
I’ll need to rule,
don’t fuck with Theresa May!

 Thursday 8 June 2017 — On the general elections in Great Britain and Theresa May threatening to trade fundamnetal rights for imaginary security.
Get out there, boys & girls, and vote!
It’s the foremost antidote
to Theresa May
taking your rights away.
So do it now, put on your coat!

 Thursday 8 June 2017 — On the British general elections.
If you want to have your way,
then get you to the polls today!
If you abstain
you can’t complain
if there’s later hell to pay.

 Friday 2 June 2017 — On the anti-intellectual Trump administration purging aal federal websites of all scientific knowledge on climate change. Ignorance is strength!
The worst thing about the schism,
this Trump-versus-the-world abysm,
is that the government
harkens to a president
driven by obscurantism.

 Thursday 1 June 2017 — On the surprising polls revealing a growing dislike of the position and behaviour of Theresa May and her Tories.
Surprise, surprise, Theresa May,
you believed Britain should stay,
then joined, turncoat,
the Brexit-boat,
now who’ll be first to sail away.

 Thursday 25 May 2017 — On ex-UKIP politician Janice Atkinson, who wants to execute the remains of suicide bombers.
Give suicide bombers, just to save
Albion, the end they crave.
Insanity hails
from where logic fails:
the land beyond the UKIP grave.

 Tuesday 23 May 2017 — On the death of Sir Roger Moore, aged 89.
Don’t trust that Roger Moore,
check behind your every door.
He said he’d live twice
so from paradise
he’ll prob’ly take the floor once more.

 Saturday 20 May 2017 — On Pippa Middleton marrying.
Pippa is more than juicy buns,
it’s her carnal poetry which stuns
many a lad.
But she can no more be had,
that slinkiest of Middletons.

 Wednesday 17 May 2017 — On schoolroom bully Donald Trump’s ongoing childish playground pranks.
I know more secrets than you
and I’ll prove it to you too,
Here, my Trump on the table!
take that if you’re able,
Mr. Lavrov, I trump you!

 Monday 15 May 2017 — On actor Powers Boothe, who died in his sleep at 68.
Here’s to the end of Powers Boothe,
eternal badguy who forsooth,
in his sleep & alone
took off for Tombstone
or Deadwood, that’s the truth.

 Wednesday 10 May 2017 — On Donald Trump firing the FBI-director who was investigating him.
Capt’n Trump, the old crank
must hang for his Russian prank
Hey ho, hit’m hard:
let him swing from the yard–
instead Comey walked the plank.

 Monday 8 May 2017 — On Emmanuel Macron’s clean victory at the French presidential elections.
Thank god the winner is Macron
for we all know c’est le ton
qui fait la musique
dans la Republique
and Le Pen’s ton did not sound bon.

 Tuesday 25 April 2017 — On Marine Le Pen temporarily stepping down as leader of the Front National, in order to appear more acceptable to gullible French voters in de second round of the presidential election.
To win her Elisian bid
and yet beat that Macron kid
Marine washes her hands
of her most loyal fans
like once Pontius Pilate did.

 Thursday 20 April 2017 — On Frauke Petri resigning as leader of the German political movement Alternative für Deutschland, because of the growing influence ofreight-extremists.
Frau Petry sagte es gehe nicht gut
mit ihrer AfD-Teufelsbrut.
Nach dem Erwachen
des extremistischen Drachen
verlohr sie auf einmal den Mut.

 Wednesday 19 April 2017 — On Theresa May trying to crush all opposition, whom she sees as “saboteurs” and obstructionists for whom there is no place in politics.
Theresa says she wants an end
to the obnoxious 49 percent.
Like Erdo?an before
she wages war
on all who oppose, it’s becoming a trend.

 Wednesday 12 April 2017 — On the fury of pro-Brexit parties when Lord Mandelson said in a German newspaper that Britain's governments ideas about the article 50 proces were naive and unrealistic, and told europe to “forget Britain” and look after its own interests.
Sizzling Gisela fumed and spat
her venomous opprobrium at
Lord Mandelson when
he said Great Britain
has no inkling where it’s at.

 Friday 7 April 2017 — On the removal of Stephen Bannon from het National Security Council.
The false note that Trump began on
by embracing Stephen Bannon
has faded away.
let’s hope today
we’ve seen the last of that loose cannon.

 Monday 3 April 2017 — On Prime minister Theresa May, who suggests that she'll defend British rule over Gibraltar even at the cost of armed conflict with Europe. (not even halfway out of the EU, and the threat of intra-European war rears its ugly head) Those Spaniards “¡No pasarán!"
The only jewel in the crown
left is a sleepy town
’pon a rock with some monkeys
and a handful of donkeys,
where Theresa puts her foot down.

 Monday 3 April 2017 — On MeatFreeMonday.
It’s a special day today,
MeatFreeMonday! So hooray,
you must bring your own calf
and cut it in half,
and thus prepare your own cassoulet.

 Monday 27 March 2017 — On Theresa May who must set the process of cutting loose from the European Union in motion this Wedensday in order to keep her promise that she would invoke Article 50 before April 2017.
Theresa burrows like a chigger
through red tape with nervous vigour.
It’s a bit of a bind
in time to find
the article 50 she must trigger.

 Thursday 16 March 2017 — On the srprising results of the Dutch parliamentary elections.
It’s the beginning of the end
of the populistic trend.
Once more the Dutch show
the way to go.
The continent is on the mend.

 Thursday 16 March 2017 — On the far right, anti-European populists running out of steam at the Dutch parliamentary elections.
En Hollande sur la piste
noire tombaient les nationalistes.
Espérons que à la France
en avril une telle avalanche
fera caler les Marinistes.

 Wednesday 15 March 2017 — On the British House of Commons declining to have a say in the brexit process.
Why is there a parliament?
It is only there to bend
for the Queen of May
let her have her way
to brexit ’till the bitter end.

 Thursday 9 March 2017 — On Michael Heseltine’s expedient dismissal after voting against the wishes of his mistress, Prime miniter Theresa May.
Back then he slyly leered: “she’s mine”
and caused Dame Margaret’s decline.
Now wise Theresa May
quickly did away
with ladykiller Heseltine.

 Wednesday 8 March 2017 — On the revelation that even smart tv’s can remotely be turned into spying devices right in your living room. (rip out that mike, people!)
The milit’ry-industrial cartel
sounds personal freedom’s death knell:
a smart Samsung TV
allows them to see
more than ever imagined Orwell.

 Wednesday 1 March 2017 — On the Copeland byelection.
Doris was a gale with frost
and chilly rain that cost
Corbyn’ lot Copeland.
Looks like in England
nothing ends well & labour’s love’s lost.

 Saturday 25 February 2017 — On Anthony Burgess’s (1917-1993) centennial.
Lit 100 years ago the wick
Of naughty, naughty, some say sick
Burgess succoombed
to “womb, room, tomb”
but his orange goes tick, tick, tick.

 Wednesday 22 February 2017 — On the downfall of right-wing provocateur Milo Yannopoulos.
Suddenly seeming pedophilo
he fizzled like a leaking lilo.
Now Breitbart abhorrs
all that issues forth
from the pen and Penis de Milo.

 Tuesday 21 February 2017 — On Melania Truump's continued and unexplained general absence at the White House.
Melania, Don Trump’s trophy bride,
is nary spotted at his side.
She’s rumoured to be
the 1st model, you see,
who cannot stand the limelight.

 Monday 13 February 2017 — On Adele protesting that her Album-of-the-Year award should have gone to Beyoncé, who in turn mouthes “I love you” from the audience.
The Grammy-heroine of the day
showed how slickly she can play
the game of tit
for tat per hit
by eulogizing Beyoncé.

 Monday 6 February 2017 — On Donald Trump turning first on science, then on journalism and now on the rule of law itself.
What the future holds in store
when a prez is waging war
on law itself is moot
but forebodes nothing good.
His is a dark and dangerous lore.

 Wednesday 1 February 2017 — On the lack of realism that allows the Trump-administration to think that a wall will keep all illegal Latin American immigrants out of the USA.
All the Mexicans are merry,
for although Trumps’ wall seems scary
it may potentially
turn life essentially
into an episode of Don ’n Jerry.

 Monday 30 January 2017 — On the petition launched against Trump´s ban on anyyone carrying certain passports entering te US, even is they have a legally binding visa or green card.
The US is in bad condition,
this, sane Briton, is your mission:
show the administration
you’re a civil nation,
go and sign the Trumpetition.

 Monday 30 January 2017 — On the rapidity with which the rash and unrealistic actions of Team Trump have begun to backfire.
Double, Donald, toil and trouble,
was it wise to hire the stubble-
chin named Bannon,
that loose cannon,
trapped inside his factfree bubble?

 Thursday 26 January 2017 — On Trump’s strange idea to have an inauguration cake identical to Obama’s.
The new president saw fit
forthwith to strike a hit
against Barack’s social policy:
He ordered immediately
to have Obamacake and eat it.

 Tuesday 24 January 2017 — On the Supreme Court ruling that de Britisch government needs parliamentary permission to start the brexit procedures, but need not consult the parliament of Scotland and the Welsh and Northern Irish Assemblies.
The Supreme Court’s lunimaries
have ruled in solemn legalese
that Theresa may not go
unless Parliament says so
but can ignore the colonies.

 Wednesday 18 January 2017 — On the extensive list of banned items and substances at the inauguration of the most trigger happy president since Teddy Roosevelt.
According to ½ the nation
Donald Trumps inauguration
would be safer & more fun
if everyone carried a gun
but they can’t, o what frustration.

 Wednesday 18 January 2017 — On the desparation underneath Theresa May's panache.
Better no deal than a bad deal,
we heard Theresa May squeal
But doesn’t she see
that that may also be
exactly how the Europeans feel?

 Saturday 14 January 2017 — And one even filthier one more, just for fun.
A hooker from Peoria said
I’ll trump Moscow’s shower yet
Instead of Trumpleaks
I’ll take, though it reeks,
A Trumpdump on Obama’s bed.

 Friday 13 January 2017 — On Trumps defensive rants on being confronted with unwelcome criticism, meaning any criticism.
Between a rock and a hard place
the PE won’t plead his case
by rational argument
but by decrying all dissent,
hollering “it’s a disgrace.”

 Thursday 12 January 2017 — On Trump's uncontrolled ranting against the “report” casting doubt on his personal integrity and independence with respect to Russia.
Fake or not it surely stinks,
Steele is likely DT’s jinx.
Proving may be hard
but the lady, warns the Bard,
doth protest too much methinks.

 Thursday 12 January 2017 — On Donald Trump's adamant declaration that he is always extremely careful and warms his people of the risk of hotel rooms and other venues being bugged.
On this score, guys, let me be blunt:
don't expect a stupid stunt.
In a Russian hotel,
I’m cautious as hell
until, taht is, I smell a cunt.

 Tuesday 10 January 2017 — On the anti-intellectual attitude of an increasing percentage of university-“students”, demanding that ideological drivel trumps sound scientific thinking, like those at SOAS who want to oust Descartes, Plato and Popper as colonialist oppressors.
Some in the student polity
at SOAS do not wish to see
or learn of the way things are,
instead they prefer by far
their narcissist stupidity.

 Monday 9 January 2017 — On teh tenth anniversary, today, of the iPhone and the devastating effect it has had upon the spiritual independence of people.
What has amply been shown
after ten year of iPhone:
it doesn’t take much
to turn a human as such
into little more than an iDrone.

 Friday 6 January 2017 — On the four Chicago teenage lowlives who trussed and beat up a retarded boy yelling “fuck Trump” and "fuck white people."
They made their own Chicago warzone,
filmed the mayhem with their smartphone,
blow by blow,
which goes to show:
cruelty is not a skintone.

 Friday 30 December 2016 — On local authorities having used the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act for purposes it was never intended for, such as catching people who feed the doves, for years.
Decency is just skindeep,
this explains the function creep
that lets city agents use
the RIP-act to peruse
decent people’s lives, my tweep.

 Thursday 22 December 2016 — On Helen Mirren declaring 2016 a big pile of shit on the Graham Norton Show.
The Dame has exquisite wit
but even she can’t deal with it,
the slaughter and mayhem.
That’s why Helen Mirren
calls 2016 a big pile of shit.

 Wednesday 21 December 2016 — On the way Donald Trump’s presidency to be is shaping up as a crass robber regime. Welcome to the Trump House at 1600 Trump Avenue in Trumpton D.C.!
Trump is king of the flyover folk
that last month took a poke
at the smarmy elite
(is how they see’t)
but really are the butt end of a joke.

 Tuesday 13 December 2016 — On Donald Trump appointing oil-bigwig Rex Tillerson Secretary of State.
Tillerson, is the idea,
thinks that foreign policy
isn’t about war or peace,
it’s about whose palm you grease
and where to apply KY-jelly.

 Wednesday 7 December 2016 — On Time magazine choosing Donald Trump as person of the year 2016.
These are quite uncanny times.
Amidst tingling Xmas chimes
the uncouth Trump is here
as person of the year,
in a world where nothing rhymes.

 Thursday 1 December 2016 — On the demise of Jim Delligatti, aged 98, who gave the world the Big Mac.
The father died of the Big Mac,
by far the most addictive snack.
Delligatti’s now –no joke–
with the inventors of coke
and heroin and crack.

 Thursday 24 November 2016 — On Thomas Mair being sent down for life for the murder of Labour-MP Jo Cox.
On this day in November,
remember, remember
how a mad brexiteer cried
“Britian First” and shot Cox, who died,
a thoroughly hon’rable member.

 Tuesday 22 November 2016 — On Trump's promise to withdraw from the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) on his first day in office, and to do away with all kinds of environmental rules and regulations.
Trump’s protecting the coalminer
turns the US into old China:
an obsolete autarky
harsher, poorer & less free
than old Mao dared design ’er.

 Monday 21 November 2016 — On the primaries of Les Républicains in France, definitely lost by former president Nicolas Sarkozy and won by surprise by his former Prime minister François Fillon.
Nom-de-dieu c’est vraiment con:
l’FN de Le Pen bon ton!
Alors Français, veuillez m’aider,
votez pour le vieux Juppé,
ou sinon, pour Fillon.

 Wednesday 16 November 2016 — On Oxford Dictionaries choosing “post-truth” as word of the year 2016.
What got into Oxford, o dear,
naming “post-truth” Word o’the Year?
Have they lost sight
of all, one might
ask? Can reality be thát unclear?

 Wednesday 9 November 2016 — On Donald Trump becoming the President Elect of the United States of America.
When Trump leads the USA
its social fabric may soon fray,
be ripped asunder
while a thousand guns thunder.
Alas, poor Yorick, as they say.

 Monday 7 November 2016 — On Donald Trump’s staff revoking his Twitter privileges out of fear he’ll tweet some fatel stupidity.
His consiglieres said Trump must
not tweet anymore. I just
ask you: how can
you vote for a man
whose trusted chums don’t trust?

 Thursday 3 November 2016 — On the Court decision that it is up to Parliament, not the government, to decide if and when Britain will invoke article 50 of the Treaty of Lisbon.
Prime Minister Maggie May
fancied herself queen for a day.
It was a dream
for she it would seem
is not to decide how long Britain must stay.

 Monday 31 October 2016 — On the somewhat morbid feast of Halloween.
Which one of you has ever seen
the ghastly ghost of Halloween?
A pumpkin head
without brains, instead
it’s full of yellow bile and spleen.

 Friday 28 October 2016 — On the fire that is destroying the Royal clarence hotel in Exeter.
What remained of the Empire,
the Royal Clarence, is on fire.
Things do’nt go well
for Britain’s oldest hotel,
blazing like a funeral pyre.

 Tuesday 25 October 2016 — On new research pointing to many anonymous coauthors having assisted in writing Shakespeare’s plays, plus, after all, Christopher Marlowe.
Whence came the inspired art
of the old Stratfordian Bard?
From a new perspective
’twas a collective
whereof Kit Marlowe may have been part.

 Tuesday 18 October 2016 — On Melania Trump blaming her husband's locker-room transgressions on TV-presenter Billy Bush (who was subsequently fired by NBC). Well, if the man can't handle a talkshow host...
Trump, a little worse for wear,
is now in Melania’s care:
“He may seem a gruff boor
but in the sack, I assure
you he’s a cuddly teddybear.”

 Monday 17 October 2016 — On the utter lack of understanding in the Muslim world that it will never crawl out of its miserable state as long as all energy is put into internecine sectarian strife.
Who do those sectarians fool
with their battle of Mosul,
where allahu fights akbar
in a medieval turf war
over whose god is the worst ghoul?

 Thursday 13 October 2016 — On Tesco's taking Marmite off its e-shelves as a consequence of the dive the pound has taken due to the imminent Brexit.
I pity Britain in its plight,
trusting that Farage, who lied,
as did Boris and Hove,
so that now, by Jove,
they cannot even buy Marmite.

 Wednesday 12 October 2016 — On McDonald's easing up on using their prime marketing tool Ronald McDonald, on account of the scary clown hysteria.
Ronald McDonald can’t come and play,
he’s not allowed out today.
These days a clown
makes parents frown
and scares their hungry brats away.

 Friday 7 October 2016 — On the wave of scary clown hysteria rolling across the United States this election year..
He's harrying many a town
in the US: the scary clown!
with his wild copper mane
and rambling insane
he’s out for the presidential crown.

 Thursday 6 October 2016 — On Kylie minigue vowing not to marry until same-sex mariiages become legal in Australia.
Kylie makes her lover wait
until the Australian state
lets him say “I do and I can”
not to her but to a man,
Awful is that fiancé’s fate.

 Monday 3 October 2016 — On Yoshinori Ohsumi being awarded the Nobel prize 2016 in medicine.
Hear the final diagnosis:
when it comes to cell necrosis
The Nobel prize for Ohsumi
surely makes autophagy
the hippest kind of apoptosis.

 Thursday 29 September 2016 — On Big Sam Allardyce tumbling from his pedestal as just another greedy loudmouth.
So there you go, Sam Allardyce:
You fuck up and then pay the price.
With dirty tricks
those Telegraph pricks,
surely fixed you up real nice.

 Thursday 22 September 2016 — On Italian Health Minister Beatrice Lorenzin’s controversial fertility campaign and accusations of racism in her campaign posters.
Let’s celebrate fertility,
the state cautions in Italy.
But if you’re black and smoke,
you’re certain to croak
without any progeny.

 Monday 12 September 2016 — On International Trade Secretary Liam Fox scolding British entrepreneurs for spending too much of their time lazing on the golf-course.
“Meeting par isn’t enough,
you knew post-Brexit life’d be tough,”
quoth Liam Fox,
which was unorthodox,
“get up and move our bloody stuff!”

 Wednesday 7 September 2016 — On MP Keith Vaz tripping over one too many scandals.
Not 11 weeks after Brexit
all seemed normal, so Vaz flexed
his famous love muscle,
but his amorous tussle
with 2 rentboys caused his sexit.

 Tuesday 6 September 2016 — On the frenzied campaigh to portray Hillary Clinton as old, sick and incapable. C’mon guys, where’s your self respect? Whatever your political leanings, this is just too childish.
What retarded little twit
’d spurn a gal for a coughing fit?
Yet in regard to the post
that matters most
Trumps desp’rt cronies seize on it.

 Thursday 1 September 2016 — On the end of summer inexorably drawing near.
This’ll be a day to remember:
on August’s heels, the 1st of September.
Autumn is near,
in my BBQ here
silently dies the last glowing ember.

 Tuesday 16 August 2016 — On Donald Trump's proposing an ideological compatibility test for people wanting to enter the United States.
Your President I want to be,
lord of the Manor of the Free,
whose borders I'll close
firmly to those
who don't sufficiently think like me.

 Friday 12 August 2016 — On the extraordinately vicious smear-campaign that is being waged against Hillary Clinton. I mean: come on people, this has nothing anymore to do with anything!
She’s the devil and a hag,
she’s dirty and her titties sag,
she’s ill and evil,
worse than a weevil –
and she’s the one Trump couldn’t shag.

 Tuesday 2 August 2016 — On the utter failure of the Brazilian organizers at providing for even remotely acceptable conditions in the Bay of Rio de Janeiro.
Because Brazilians still spill
their filth and feces where they will
olympians must
bite back their disgust
and swim, row and sail in swill.

 Monday 25 July 2016 — On the French tightening their border controls, giving Great Britain at least some idea of what leaving the EU and “taking back control” are actually going to entail.
Out of EU and into the clover,
migration problems would be over.
But overnight,
with borders air-tight
the whole nation bogs down at Dover.

 Friday 22 July 2016 — On Funai Electric, the last manufacturer of VCRs, packing it in.
Once proudky owned by rich jeunesse,
a VCR is now a ton or less:
its tapes would fail,
its lure went stale,
the belL has tolled for VHS.

 Friday 22 July 2016 — On Funai Electric, the last manufacturer of VCRs, packing it in.
Once proudky owned by rich jeunesse,
a VCR is now a ton or less:
its tapes would fail,
its lure went stale,
the belL has tolled for VHS.

 Wednesday 20 July 2016 — On Melania Trump (and Trump’s speech-writers) stealing the words of Michelle Obama, and the hupocrisy of the Republican convention condoning her behaviour.
The capitalist GOP
hallows private property.
But when Trump’s wife steals,
the Convention feels
there’s nothing wrong with plagiary.

 Thursday 14 July 2016 — On Boris Johnson being appointed foreign secretary after his bizarre behaviour with regard to the Brexit-referendum.
If Cameron once put his dong
somewhere it did not belong,
Boris will now surely put
his foot in it real good,
as diplomatical King-Kong.

 Thursday 14 July 2016 — On Donald Trump selecting Indiana governor Mike Pence as his running mate.
A obscurantist Pence would seem,
a northern redneck with a dream
of simpler days
without Darwin or gays,
so he’s essential to Trump’s team!

 Monday 11 July 2016 — On Andrea Leadsom trying to get one over on het rival Theresa May -- and failing.
The candidacy of Andrea Leadsom
ushering in a new age of femdom
was sadly aborted
the minute she snorted
about being better for being a mom.

 Thursday 7 July 2016 — On the outcome of the British investigation into the role of it’s political elite in the events leading up to and during the invasion of Iraq in .
Will Chilcot do any good?
I doubt it, though no doubt it should:
Those who did hoodwink
the nation still think
they’re exceptionally shrewd.

 Monday 4 July 2016 — On the poor country whose deceitful leaders desert it the face of the chaos they created.
Dingdong, the witch ’s been dead
for quite a while, the rats have fled
your sinking raft.
O, Britain daft,
you’ve made yourself a sorry bed.

 Thursday 30 June 2016 — To Boris Johnson giving up on running for tory-leader after his Pyrrhic triumph at the Brexit-referendum.
Boris was a naughty boy,
who went and broke a precious toy
and then, hardly cricket,
dodged that sticky wicket
and deserted the hoi polloi.

 Wednesday 29 June 2016 — On the Dawning of the consequences of waging a frivolous, deceitful campaign against the British EU-membership.
Nigel, Mike & Boris could
once again raise Birnam Wood.
Double, double, toil & trouble
what remains is only rubble,
Dunsinane is now kaput.

 Tuesday 28 June 2016 — On the Supreme Court declaring Texan law designed to frustrate people's right to hav an abortion unconstitutional.
According to the Supreme Court
even Texas should afford
people to exercise
their abortion rights,
whatever the stance of the Lord.

 Friday 24 June 2016 — On Great Britain leaving the European Union.
Hoorah, the Brits retook control
of their own wet grassy knoll
where Farage thunders
and Boris blunders
and all the rest must pay the toll.

 Thursday 23 June 2016 — On the EU referendum.
Today my 93yr Mum
cried: “get me to the polls, you bum!
I must vote to leave
so that I’ll retrieve
the good old life in my pre-war slum."

 Tuesday 21 June 2016
I’d like to raise, if I may,
a toast with café au lait
in a cup like this
since today is
#WorldGiraffeDay. Hooray!

 Thursday 16 June 2016 — On Nigel Farages confession that he does not know or care what will happen in Britain leaves the EU, as long as he wins on 23 June.
With that silly, mindless grin
Farage professed to go all-in.
Little does he care
how ‘freed’ Britons may fare,
all he wants to do is win.

 Monday 13 June 2016 — On the remarkable outfit queen Elizabeth II wore on the occasion of the official celebration of her ninetieth birthday.
It’s not easy being green,
said old Kermit full of spleen.
He was heard to holler
at trooping the colour
Yea! I'm less green than the queen!

 Friday 10 June 2016 — On Tesco selling Giraffe to “Chicken King” Ranjit Singh Boparan, owner of Northern Foods and Harry Ramsden's fish ’n chips shops.
Giraffe sold to the Chicken King!
So after the buffalo wing
the next big snack
will be giraffe’s neck.
Those Brits, they will eat anything.

 Tuesday 7 June 2016 — On single mom Sheryl Prudham, living on benefits, who has 12 children already and now wants to be inseminated to acquire nr. 13
She’s not a mom or aunt
who finds 12 brats insufficient.
For kids she doesn’t care,
they’re but fruits to bear.
Prudham’s a production plant.

 Thursday 2 June 2016 — On the boy who ruined a so-called “£15,000 LEGO sculpture”. Good for him!
LEGO used to mean to a boy
bricks to build and then to destroy.
The world is hard,
LEGO’s hijacked by art,
business now, no longer a toy.

 Monday 30 May 2016 — On "HowToMakeAManGay" becoming trending topic in New York
America’s trending topic today
is #HowToMakeAManGay,
proof that civilization
is wasted on the nation.
It’s enough to turn a gay man gray.

 Tuesday 24 May 2016 — On the traffic chaos that ensued when there was a fule spill in London’s Blackwall Tunnel
The thing is called the Blackwall tunnel
cause it’s a stinking sooty funnel.
Today it closed,
it must be hosed
for lack of a proper runnel.

 Thursday 19 May 2016 — On the “Cat Ripper” who already killed and maimed dozens of London cats.
London becomes ever hipper,
it now has a Feline-Ripper
who on jihadi John’s trail
cuts off head and tail
of cats he first baits with kipper.

 Wednesday 18 May 2016 — On Boris Johnson’s hysterical likening of European Union policies to those of Adolf Hitler.
That preposterous brat Boris,
oofey kid of Eton mores,
plays at “Finest Hour”
with the EU as evil power,
is what Winston´s corpse abhorres.

 Friday 13 May 2016 — On the uncertain race towards the referendum on Britain's continued membership of the european Union.
Farage, fulminating à outrance,
leads Britain in a deadly dance,
a tango called BREXIT
straight through the exit
into lonesome irrelevance.

 Wednesday 4 May 2016 — On Ted Cruz suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.
Hark the Bible Thumper´s Blues:
regardless of his extreme views
angry white men dumped
old Ted; Donald trumped
the trigger-happy rev. Cruz.

 Tuesday 3 May 2016 — On Leicester City winning the Premier League Championship.
Let me sing you a ditty
of proud Leicester City,
which hides kings in its streets
and no soccer team beats.
Now ain’t that city pretty?

 Thursday 28 April 2016 — On the new junior doctor’s contract: a little more money for far longer hours.
NHS embodies the idea
that your health ought to be free.
Now Hunt tries his best
to deny docs their rest
and privatize the lot, you’ll see!

 Monday 25 April 2016 — On National Stationery Week.
It’s National Stationery Week!
Let every British geek
celebrate the stencil,
the freshly sharpened pencil
and Moleskines, velvety and sleek.

 Friday 22 April 2016 — On Earth Day.
Friday always follows Thursday
and each of ’m is someone’s birthday.
But odd as it sounds
on murky grounds
today is advertised as Earth Day.

 Thursday 21 April 2016 — On the ninetieth birthday of Queen Elisabeth II.
Never become vegetarian,
stay staunchly establishmentarian;
don’t drink coffee but tea
and you will live to be
a sovereign nonagenarian.

 Thursday 7 April 2016 — On the negative outcome of the advisory referendum in the Netherlands on the Association Treaty between the European Union and Ukraine.
1 in 7 Dutch said “no” to Ukraine.
Not a lot, but all the same
their niggardly spite
did win last night,
we others bow our heads in shame.

 Thursday 31 March 2016 — On Ronnie Corbett passing away at 85.
Bloody hell, what misery!
Ronnie Corbett finally
kicked the bucket,
damn all, fuck it,
what good is “Language, Timothy!”?

 Thursday 17 March 2016 — On the GOP’s intention to thwart any attempt of Obama to achieve anything at all.
Don’t, GOP, if you please,
block all ’Bama’s court nominees.
All your anger and spite
breed political blight,
a sick auto-immune disease.

 Tuesday 15 March 2016 — On former Republican contender for the presidential nomination Ben Carson’s pledge of allegiance to Donald Trump, who earlier branded him as a “pathological liar”. The Ides of March (2011) was directed by George Clooney. The wily Senator Franklin Thomson was played by Jeffrey Wright
That the “liar” Ben Carson
would yet climb Trump’s bandwagon
was in the stars:
In “The Ides of March”
he was Sen. Franklin Thompson, hun!

 Friday 11 March 2016 — On allegations of plagiarism against Timothy Parker, renowned crossword-designer for, among other, USA Today.
Crossword-mogul Parker said:
“This Pwanson is raving mad!
I never stole from anyone
anything more salient than
‘the familiar quadruped(3)’”

 Tuesday 8 March 2016 — On the fact that so many courtrooms have been sold off that many judges have to do their job in backrooms of pubs and restaurants.
Britain's courtrooms, I am told,
have been sold off, now judges hold
judicial sway
in pub or café
where next to pints verdicts are sold.

 Wednesday 2 March 2016 — On Super Tuesday, won by both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump
So it’s the lout against the witch,
two narcissists, both filthy rich.
Clearly in the US
wisdom counts for less
than the ability to bitch.

 Wednesday 24 February 2016 — On the Flying Scotsman, too long for Twitter, but too good a subject to pass up.
Joy be in the hearts of men:
the Flying Scotsman rides again!
On board is kidney pie or pork,
but hurry or we’ll be in York,
where ends this trip to way-back-when.

 Monday 22 February 2016 — On Boris Johnson´s announcement that he will lead the campaign for Great Britain leaving the EU
A pillar of panache and bluff,
to lead Albion to the rough
is the Blond Man´s Burden,
being its PM his guerdon,
a jolly emperor in the buff.

 Thursday 18 February 2016 — On the House of Lords, which wanted to put an end to the tradition of archiving British law on vellum.
Laws went on vellum since before Boleyn,
but now the Lords wanted paper in.
Here’s a wise
write them on peers’ parchment skin.

 Wednesday 17 February 2016 — On the photograph Jeb Bush published of his personalized gun “governor Jeb Bush”.
Jeb Bush showed us all his gun.
Was it his idea of fun?
Did he flaunt his metal dong
to assure us he is strong
or as a threat maybe, a pun?

 Friday 5 February 2016 — On everybody's announcement to ignore the conclusions of the UN-committee-report on Julian Assange.
Release Assange, says the UN:
London, stop abusing the man.
But Sweden says no,
don’t you dare let him go,
we’ll fuck him as long as we can.

 Wednesday 3 February 2016 — On the anonymous hackers of AnonSec
Who are the anonymous hackers,
claiming to be the attackers
who want NASA to hurt
on behalf of the earth?
Please tell me, dear factcheckers!

 Tuesday 2 February 2016 — On Donald Trump’s first lost primary: the state of Iowa.
And then Ted Cruz trumped Donald Trump.
Is Iowa the fatal hump
to make Trump trip
and his shares dip,
land him like Job on a rubbish dump?

 Wednesday 27 January 2016 — On the death of Marvin Minsky.
Marvin Minsky passed away,
who hoped to see the day
that silicon became more clever
than any human being ever
and henceforth AI’d hold sway.

 Thursday 21 January 2016 — On the report by Judge Sir Robert Owen pointing the finger at Russian president Putin as having at least condoned the killing of Aleksandr Litvinenko.
“Litvinenko, filthy spy!”
foamed Vlad Putin, “you will fry!
I’ll give you, moocher,
a radiant future,
and laugh my head off while you die!”

 Wednesday 20 January 2016 — On Burnley, Lancashire.
A Burnley beggar said “bugger,
I wuz merely tryin’ to hug ’r,
which I only did
’cuz she ga’me a quid,
but then she yelled: Mugger, mugger!”

 Tuesday 19 January 2016 — On the worldwide Twitter-blackout.
And then cyberspace was still.
No tweet to read, no hateful swill
could cyberseeth
from venomed teeth
of tweeps so mad that they could kill.

 Friday 15 January 2016 — On the yearning of the English for a anthem of their own.
Why save a queen? the English said,
we want a proper hymn instead!
It’d be far more apt
if Albion rapped
raindrops keep falling on my head.

 Monday 11 January 2016 — On David Bowie passing away.
His circuit dead died Major Tom,
worst controlfreak of stardom:
birthday just gone,
new album done,
he’ll star up there till kingdom come.

 Wednesday 16 December 2015 — On the ephemeral nazi train laden with treasure supposedly hidden underground somewhere in Poland.
A buried nazi-train they told,
held 300 tons of gold.
Many Poles went out to dig
and find it, get rich quick.
But alas all was fools’ gold.

 Tuesday 8 December 2015 — On Donald Trump’s proposal to close the American borders to all muslims.
No muslim will be welcome
in Sultan Donald’s kingdom,
no unchristian slacker
allowed into his Mekka
of blonde myopic boordom.

 Thursday 3 December 2015 — On yet another killing spree in the USA, this time in California.
One gunman’s killing spree a day
is normal for the USA,
a death toll perhaps higher than
that in ol’ Afghanistan.
Go on, support the NRA!

 Tuesday 24 November 2015 — On the border incident in which the Turks downed a Russian warplane.
Pondered Russian president Putin:
shouldn’t my army start shootin’
at backstabbing jerks
like Erdo?an’s Turks
and my Cossacks begin lootin’?

 Friday 20 November 2015 — On Richard Waldron's letter to the editor, published in the Daily Telegraph on 16 November 2015.
Whither went our Cheshire blue?
At Selfridge’s it is taboo
because it turns gray
in nary a day,
so the cat’s grin got the precious goo.

 Wednesday 11 November 2015 — On David Cameron’s negociating Britain’s terms for staying in the European Union.
Careful, or there’ll be hell to pay,
my sceptics will only stay,
and not leave the EU,
says Cameron, if you
always give us Brits our way.

 Thursday 29 October 2015 — On the life sentence former Royal Marines sergeant Alexander Blackman was handed for killing a wounded taliban operative in Helmand, Afghanistan.
Blackman shouldn't, according to Hoyle,
have shuffled off the mortal coil
of that Taliban,
a wounded man.
But does it merit lifelong toil?

 Monday 26 October 2015 — On Tony Blair’s half-hearted apologies for the the lies preparing the way for the unwarranted invasion of Iraq.
I’m so sorry for their fibs,
George and I, we were like sibs.
And we did oust Saddam,
improved on Vietnam.
I’m really sorry: read my lips.

 Wednesday 21 October 2015 — On Back to the Future.
Time-travel is mindboggling stuff:
just by waiting long enough
we caught up with McFly
as time went by,
to call Zemeckis’ eighties-bluff.

 Monday 19 October 2015 — On the first attempt in decades to create a new grammar school.
The ban on grammar schools
proves Albion a land of fools,
where Labour hates talent
and its own kids and
the privately schooled City rules.

 Friday 16 October 2015 — On the British septuagenarian in Saudi Arabia who was sentenced to be flogged for possessing some homemade drink in his own home.
An elderly Briton in Jiddah
is flogged cause the Saudi’s consider
his homemade liquor
to be a sin bigger
than those of old Jack the Ripper.

 Wednesday 14 October 2015 — On the growing prudishness on and off the internet, world wide.
Zuckerberg & Xi have won,
from Tibet to Oregon
Playboy’s pages will be cleansed,
naughty female bits delensed
and bare boobies frowned upon.

 Tuesday 13 October 2015 — On Ada Lovelace.
Today is Ada Lovelace-day,
Byrons girl, who passed away
at 36 but did invent
the idea of the instrument
we call computer, in a way.